THE MEN WHO SNITCHED ON THEIR GENDER

Picture: BLACK WOMEN OF BRAZIL

I woke up this morning with the thought of one of the shows I did on television. We had this business mogul on the show and he was talking about business principles for success. Just as we were rounding up, he asked us to let him say something. It went something like this;

‘I am the man I am today because I have a very wonderful wife. If she isn’t in my life, I probably wouldn’t have reached this success level I am enjoying today. What most people don’t know is that she isn’t good at business but she is a great idea churner. Almost every venture I have turned into a lucrative money-making business is an idea my wife whispered to me. She is the idea and I am the execution. That is why we are so successful. Men, learn to respect the women in your lives. They hold the key to your success.’

After our cooing and awwwing, we wrapped up the show and went out of the studio.

When we went into our office for the post show discussion, I couldn’t help but notice that some of my colleagues were laughing at our guest. I wondered what it was about but didn’t bother to ask. As we proceeded with our analysis of the day’s performance, we got to the issue of the business mogul and next thing you know, one of my very vocal colleagues shouted, ‘That man has been pussy-whipped’.

This drew some laughter from those who understood what he meant and blank faces from those who didn’t.

It prompted a gender debate and we jokingly discussed the importance of women. My colleague didn’t let go of his opinion. He kept saying, ‘That man is such a snitch!’ I asked him what he meant by that and he said men who let their women ‘control’ them are snitches on their gender and that men are supposed to be ‘manly’ and behave a certain way.

I remember that I looked at my colleague and imagined how a person could be so ignorant! So, because a man praises his wife and respects her, he has snitched on his gender?

As I pondered on that incident, I thought of other men who could be said to have ‘snitched’ on their gender. Here is a list;

           1.     The Men Who BELIEVE In the Equality of the Sexes: you know how women are supposed to be less than men and thus, defer to them? Yeah, there are men who don’t believe so! These men understand that gender equality doesn’t negate the roles of each sex but accepts that we are human first before we are our gender. They believe that women and men should have equal access to education, healthcare, life choices, job opportunities, same pay, leadership positions, promotions, dignity of person and of ideas. These men get incensed when women are treated less than men are because of their sex. Know a man like this? When you see him on the road, this is what you should say to him. ‘You bloody wonderful snitch’!

          2.     The Men Who HELP Out In the House: in this world of men sitting down and watching football while their mothers/sisters/wives slaves in and around the house, finding that man who helps around the house is such a breath of fresh air. 

     I went to stay with a family recently; a mother, her daughter and son. I woke up to help out with chores only to see that the guy had done almost everything. He cleaned the house, did the dishes, washed the cars and prepared breakfast. I was like, ‘Dude, where are you from?!’

He laughed and told me he had to prepare for work. I asked about his mum and his sister and he told me his mum was down with fever and his sister wasn’t a morning person because she worked nights. So he took care of the house and when his sister got up, she didn’t have to do all the work in the house. I looked at him straight in the eye and said, ‘will you marry me?’

Such a snitch!

         3.     The Men Who would NEVER Hit A Woman: women, you know how we can get very blabber-mouthed when we quarrel with people right? How we go for the jugular? Where we just want to eviscerate a person? Well…I am not one of such women! (Hey! Don’t vex na! I am just playing! Chai! Okay…okay…I confess. I am THAT person!)

There was this day I quarreled with a dear friend…(what now?! Stop giving me that side eye. Okay! Okay! Insert boyfriend)…and I was really mad. We had never gone at it like that before. Usually, when I am mad at him, I just walk away because I know my mouth is razor-sharp. On this day however, all the claws were out and drawing blood.

My alter ego came out and looked at me and quite frankly, if I was him and I was listening to the things I had to say, I would have descended on me. Have you watched Kung Fu Hustle? Trust me, the slaps would have been that fast!

Anyhoo, I could see that he was about to explode and I didn’t stop. He walked away and guess what? I followed! I started pulling him at, tugging at his shirt and spewing my venom. Reading this, you would think I wanted to get beaten but the truth was, I was dealing with rage issues and I couldn’t reason clearly when the anger got to a certain point.

One final tug and gbam! He punched! He hit the metal door away from my face.

After the sound of bone hitting metal, the silence was deafening. I had pushed him to the point where he raised his hand but he still wouldn’t hit me. He preferred to injure himself – which he did – than hit me. Truth is, if he had hit me, many people would have understood; even people like me who cannot stand domestic violence. And before you come for me about that statement, I mean that my words were so cutting that anyone, regardless of gender, would have wanted to slap the crazy out of me.

That single act made me so ashamed and I as I tended to his hand, I promised myself that the rage issues had to stop. I still get angry but nowadays, I walk away from every potential minefield and say this about the person or situation. ‘You better thank God I know Jesus!’

Dear snitch, thank you not connecting that fist to my face. Most of your gender would have hit me but I am glad you snitched the hell out of them.

           4.     The Men Who Do NOT Cheat On Their Women: so, you all know how it is impossible for a man to be faithful right? I mean, who wants to eat Ogbono soup all the time? Men want Ogbono and Egusi and vegetable soup with those big big meat and that plenty dried fish and kpomo and snail right? Wait…I just got carried away. Is this about soup? Ermm….oh! Men and cheating! Ramat you too like food!

So we have all heard that all men would cheat but is that really true? Do all men cheat? And does the onus of faithfulness lie with the woman?

My honest answer? NO. Not all men cheat and not many women know how to be faithful. Yeah! I said it!

There are men who refuse to cheat on the women in their lives. They make it a point of duty to stay faithful. A friend of mine told me, ‘I am not a monk nor a saint and I see women everyday whom I wonder what it would be like to bone but before the thought sets in, I think of something else. For me, I would rather leave a relationship than cheat on my girl.’ Weird right? Even I think it is hard but that is the difference; something can be hard without being impossible. It takes a daily reminder to one’s self to hold on to the resolve not to cheat.

Over time, I have come to see that there are many men who do not cheat. It has totally displaced the stereotype I had growing up and now, I am more willing to give a man the benefit of doubt. If the person cheats, it is his loss.

Shout out to all the men who stay faithful to their girls even with all the temptation around to cheat. You snitches are the best!

           5.     The Men Who HELP Out With the Kids: when I was a protocol officer in church, I used to see all sorts of things. You would see women balancing their babies on one hip while carrying those big bags with baby stuff and still making sure the older babies stay in line. The husbands of these women? Hmmm…they would stroll casually into church with just their bible as their wives struggle to balance baby, bag and wrapper. As a protocol officer, it was our job to make sure these women didn’t collapse under the weight of being a mother. Usually, two protocol officers will rush to such women, one for the bag and the other for the kids. The visible sigh of relief when we help out is all the sign that it was a bit too much.

Then there is this guy in church. Handsome man, beautiful wife, two babies. From the moment his wife gave birth, he always carried the baby or the bag. Almost every Sunday, Wednesday or Friday, you see him holding the baby. He only gives the baby to his wife when the baby has to be nursed. When the wife gave birth to the second one, the man would carry the bigger child and the bag, leaving his wife with the new born. This man impressed me further by sitting with his wife in the nursing mothers’ section. All the other men sat anywhere but there but this man always sat with his wife to help out with the baby. The church cameras always caught him balancing one baby or the other. Even when it looks like the man and his wife were fighting, he still went there with her to make sure she doesn’t suffer.

Many people ask what is there in carrying a baby. I usually laugh when I hear such. Carrying a baby is a lot of work. That is why women, universally, see a woman carrying a baby and help out. It is not just a cute baby. It is a sign of understanding.

So to this particular snitch, I appreciate you! When people laugh at you or call you woman-wrapper, know that most of us women wish we marry a husband like you. You are a good man and we love you!

           6.     The Men Who PRACTICE Romance: hmmm…I may be a tom boy but trust me, I like Romance oh! I love it when a man opens the door, pulls out a chair, asks my opinion, surprises me with that Lakers jersey and gives me a series of firsts. I like a man who can wake me up with warm toast and cheese, omelet, a tall glass of coconut and pineapple juice and a light kiss on the forehead. Ramat, na GOD go deliver you from food! And hey! I am not giving you my secret password oh!

I want a man who tells me I am beautiful just the way I am, even when I just woke up with dragon’s breath and I am making a beeline to the bathroom for my morning routine. I like a man whose eyes pop out when I take time to dress and who puts his hand around me when we go out, as if telling the world, ‘Yeah! She is with me!’

Yeah! It all sounds so mushy but there are many ladies who have that exact man. Ladies, can I get a whoot whoot? 

Many believe such men as pussy-whipped but isn’t it weird that they always get the girl? Be there forming Rambo for yourself while we long for and follow that snitch of your gender.

So this is my list of men who have snitched on their gender. Do you know anymore that I haven’t mentioned?

And to all the men who are changing the stereotypes, you are the MVSnitches!