Loulette Bride.
Image: April + Galina Potography
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As soon as Biola clocked thirty, the pressure on her to get married reached fever pitch. She was an extremely hardworking TV personality with the leading entertainment channel in Nigeria. She had over N50 million in her account and ten plots of land. She drove a Sedan and owned a house in an upscale part of Abuja. In her view, she had everything and that was why she was constantly tired of her family prodding her to 'settle down', 'start a family', and 'become responsible'. She couldn't go anywhere without people reminding her that she was 'advancing in age' and should be worried about 'what people will say.'
Though
she had lived almost all her life in Ibadan, she didn't hesitate to move to
Abuja when a work opportunity came. In her view, she had freedom: what blissful
freedom. Or so she thought.
•••
Her Aunty Folake called her once a week to remind her that she needed to get
married. She laughed and usually responded by telling her that she would.
'Biola
mi, you are thirty. Time will not wait for you oh! Your mother might not be
worried but the rest of the family is. Ha ahn! When will you have children? Do
you want to be old before you give birth? As a nurse who has worked for 25
years, I can categorically tell you that pregnancies of women advanced in age
are usually trouble pregnancies and the risk factors for the child are high oh!
Is that what you want? Ehn?!' To which Biola would always respond, 'Aunty mi, I
will get married soon. Don't worry.’ After which she would look for
the slightest excuse to end the call.
She was
surprised at her Aunty Folake's insistence that she marry. Her aunt had been
married twice before deciding to 'settle down' with her current husband. She
still got angry when she talked about her ex-husbands, especially husband
number one. He had deceived her into thinking he was comfortable enough to take
care of her. It wasn't until they were married that she realized he was poor. He spent whatever money he made trying to live a
lie and something as basic as feeding had been a struggle for them. When he had
any money, it quickly disappeared in the gambling pits in town. She hated
him because she suffered real poverty with him. It wasn't until she got a job
that things got better; better being that she filed for divorce and left him.
Her
second husband had been the worst. She had come home one day to see him
sexually abusing her adolescent daughter. She nearly killed him with a knife. The
only reason she didn't was that the neighbors stepped in and stopped the fight.
He spent some hours in the police cell but was released because he was an
aspiring politician who had a lot of money to bribe the police officials.
Her
current husband was nothing more than a muppet in the hands of Biola's aunt. He
had no say in the house and visibly resented his powerlessness. Aunty Folake
would have it no other way.
•••
Evelyn
Oshoeke, her hair and makeup stylist was another person putting pressure on
her.
'Biola,
there is this man that wants to meet you. Girrrl, he is loaded! He is a
commissioner and men! He has money!' she blurted as soon as Biola came in for a touch-up.
'Evelyn,
drop it all ready. Like I've said over and again, I will not get married.' Biola said defiantly.
'You are
a beautiful woman. You don't even need this makeup. You are successful and
loaded. Why then won't you want to be complete? Girl, you know I will keep
asking until you tell me the reason.' she said as she tried to contour Biola's cheek.
Biola
shifted angrily and huffed!
'You want
to know why I don't want to get married?! Simple! I will not have any man try
to limit me to kitchen and bedroom duties when I have so much to do in this life.
I intend to leave my name in the sands of time and trust me, I will not put my
goals on hold to please any man!'
Evelyn
looked at her and frowned. 'First, you just messed up my work and I'm
none too pleased. So keep your face in one place so I can do my job.' Biola
eyed her a bit but obeyed. Evelyn started working again. 'Second, a man
doesn't have to limit you. He can be your greatest support. Take my husband
for example; he is helping me achieve my dreams and so much more. When I was
just plaiting my friends' hair, he pushed me to take a course in beauty regimen and opened this big shop for me when I was done. He is my biggest
support and you could get someone like that too'.
She
continued talking but Biola wasn’t listening. She remembered when Evelyn had
come to the shop with a swollen red eye which she had tried to hide with her
makeup. Upon further investigation, Biola found out that Evelyn's husband, "her
biggest support”, beat her up for the slightest infraction and that she had
been beaten badly on so many occasions that she lost three babies as a result. A
day after she returned home from giving birth to her first child, her husband slapped her for being too slow in bringing his food. And here she was,
gushing about her husband and using him as an example of why Biola should get
married. Biola let her talk and when she was done, she left more resolute not
to marry.
•••
Mrs.
Kayla Griffin was the affluent branch manager of a telecommunication company in
Abuja. She was a beautiful, well-educated, cosmopolitan woman. Her company was
one of the sponsors of Biola's shows and somehow, they became friends. When she
found out Biola was not married, she organized blind dates for her and
whispered to her wealthier clients the 'availability' of Biola. Kayla was doing
too much and Biola was not happy with it. When she confronted Kayla, she
responded by saying she wanted Biola to be accepted by society as a responsible
woman. This was the same woman who had to settle to marry. Her husband was an
uneducated, classless drunk who had lots of money. He couldn't construct one
sentence without murdering the English language. Kayla wore the latest designs
by top-notch designers and brands and always looked exquisite. It wasn't long for
Biola to realize that the obsession with beauty regimen and fashion bric-a-brac
was because she was covering up for something. As uneducated as the man was, he
kept dating young girls who were nowhere near his wife: in beauty, class,
charisma, or style. Biola wondered why Kayla, who had such a failed marriage,
was pressuring her to get married. She was nice – after all, she needed the
sponsorship – but she didn't take the words of Mrs. Kayla Griffin about
marriage seriously.
•••
Pastor
Bolu Oladimeji had been Biola's pastor since she moved to Abuja. The church was
beautiful and a place she called home. Pastor Bolu's wife – Mummy Adesewa – was
a woman with a beautiful spirit. She was humble, respectful and genuinely cared
for the church. She lacked one thing though; Pastor Bolu's attention. She was so
starved of attention and love that she seemed to be wilting away. Pastor Bolu
was usually in church as early as 7am, and returning home between 10 and
11pm. He spent so much time attending to the needs of his church and flock that
he didn't see that his wife was starved of attention. She spent a lot of time
in church so she could be near her husband but he never noticed her. When she
brought food, hoping they could eat together like they used to when they first
married, he would take his plate and go sit with his other Pastors. One
Saturday, when they came to set the church for Sunday service, Pastor Bolu
forgot her in church only to call back two hours later to find out where she
was. Yet, she kept urging Biola to get married so that she could hold a leadership position in the church. Biola told them, in as clear a tone as she
could, that she had no intention of being in church leadership! Mummy Adesewa
was relentless. She got the marriage counseling unit to set up meetings with
prospective suitors for Biola. The drama was tiring and eventually, she started
skipping church.
•••
Hajiya
Aishatu Bello was Biola's go to fashion designer. That woman could sew! She had
women coming in from Kaduna and even Kogi for her services. She always gave
Biola tips on shows to do, especially when they touched on issues affecting
women. She called Biola to come in and see her latest designs before she showed
them to the public and Biola dropped everything she was doing. As soon as Biola
got in, she knew this was going to be more than a sales event. Aishatu whisked
Biola into her office instead of taking her to her showroom.
'Are the
designs in your office today?'
'No...not
really. I wanted to give you a concept for your talk show before showing you
the dresses and I needed the privacy of my office to do so. You know how people
can talk for Africa! And this is a sensitive issue.' Aisha said.
'Okay...
Hit me! Let's hear this idea.'
'If...for
example, a woman has never...'
Biola cut
her off. 'You know me Ayi. I don't have time for ciphers. Come out with
it as straight as it is. Who is the person and what is the issue?! I don't try
to solve people's problems by beating around the bush.' she finished
with a flourish as she folded her hands.
Aisha
looked at her and inhaled deeply. She looked like she was struggling to speak
but Biola wasn’t fazed. She wasn’t a top-notch On-Air-personality by being
overly emotional. She knew just when (and how) to get the emotion; that
moment was not now. When Aishatu saw that she was alone in the water, she squared
her chin.
‘What I
am about to tell you is strictly private and you have no right to mention my
name, my religion, or the fact that I live here in Abuja. Do we have a deal?’ she asked with the sternest expression she
could muster.
‘Hey!
Drop that mean mug! You know I respect confidentiality like I love my skin.
Your secret is safe with me. I already have a name which will be a good
alias. So, let us have it.’ Biola
responded.
‘Okay.
This is it.’ she
huffed. ‘I have never had an orgasm.’
Now,
while Biola could have shouted ‘What?!’ and fallen out of her
seat, she knew that she had not reached her peak by blanching easily. So,
instead of showing her awe and surprise, she said, ‘Okay...’
‘Okay?!
Just okay?! I just bared my biggest problem and your come back is freaking
OKAY?!’ she was almost out of her seat as she asked that question.
Biola
knew the situation was dicey. She needed to be careful or lose this woman’s
trust.
‘First,
keep your voice down. You are the one who wants privacy. Second, relax! You
know me, I need to ensure I know everything before I make a comment.', to which Aishatu shook her head and sank
into her plush seat. ‘Are you okay now?’ Aishatu nodded in the
affirmative. ‘Then, continue’. Aishatu breathed deeply and
continued.
‘I have
never had an orgasm. I lived a very privileged life and didn’t know about sex
until I was 14 and preparing for my wedding. My mum told me what to do,
which was basically to let my husband do whatever he wanted to do. On my wedding
night, my husband just mounted me, spread my legs, thrust into me over and again,
got spent, and got off. And in the 20 years since I have been married to him,
that has been the routine.
This was
the time for Biola to shout ‘What?!’…and she did.
‘LOL! Now
you are shocked? Well, it gets worse. I never knew anything was wrong until I
started browsing and came across the term online and read up on it. That was
how I found out about foreplay, cuddling, and wait for it...kissing!’ Biola nearly fainted! ‘Yes! That
bad! I have never been kissed by my husband, nor have I ever been cuddled by
him. For fifteen years, he came to my room, did his wham-bam-thank-you-mam, and returned to his room. He hasn't bothered in the last five years. And now, he wants to marry a second wife!’
Biola was
shocked! This was 2015 and a full, supple, beautiful woman who was in her mid-30s
had never had an orgasm! She had never been hugged by her husband and was
literally starved of physical touch. Where was Biola to start from? She knew
her producer would jump on the topic and make it a big show but she wondered
how she could help Aishatu. She suggested Aishatu tell her husband what she
wanted sexually or teach him if he didn’t understand her, but Aishatu would
have none of that. Her husband would think her immoral and probably kill her.
When Biola told her to ask for a divorce, she responded in this epic manner.
‘No way!
I cannot be without a husband. People will think I am irresponsible. My respect
will drop. Plus, my religion tells me that I complete my purpose when I marry.
So, divorce is not an option. I have all I need; a big duplex in Maitama, cars
that I change every two years, trips to Dubai, France, Switzerland, and
anywhere else I want to and best of all, I have my five wonderful kids and a
thriving business. I love the comfort I have now and it is all because of my
husband. No, darling…I cannot afford a divorce’.
Biola was
stumped. She knew she could push it but it was impossible to change Aishatu’s
mind. What she could do though was help other women with similar problems. The
wheels were turning in her head on how she would ensure the show had top
ratings and reached millions of people.
After
their discussion, Aishatu took Biola to her showroom and Biola got to pick the
latest designs for her wardrobe. As they perused the dresses, Aishatu asked
Biola when she was getting married to which Biola clearly told her she wasn’t.
When
Biola was done and was about to exit the door, she turned to Aishatu and
said, ‘You do know you can get it yourself yeah?’ She smiled
and winked. The look on Aishatu’s face when it dawned on her was pure
satisfaction to Biola.
She
exited the shop.
•••
Biola was
finally sick of the pressure. She was tired of all the drama about her getting
married. She knew marriage was a trap that was more in favor of the man than it
was for the woman. She was sick of seeing women live empty lives because they
had been told that they could not be complete unless they were married. She wanted
more from life and her brain cells were more than a menu for the family and
beauty tips to keep her husband. If people were going to call her
irresponsible, incomplete, or lose because she refused to bow to societal
pressure, then so be it! As far as she was concerned, to hell with saying ‘I
do’! She owned her life and she was not going to bow to societal, family, or
peer pressure!
•••
The
wedding was about to begin. Aunty Folake was ecstatic. Biola was finally
getting married! After much cajoling, she finally agreed to get married to
a man they chose for her. The church was full and the wedding procession was about
to begin. The bride was yet to arrive though. ‘What was keeping that foolish driver?’ She pulled out her phone
and dialed his number. Just as it began to ring, the car baring the bridesmaids
came into the church premises. She rushed to it.
‘Where is
Biola?’ she asked.
The chief
bridesmaid said, ‘She is coming. She was right behind us and will soon
be here’. Soon became thirty minutes and thirty minutes an hour. All calls
to Bayo, the driver, were not answered. After two hours, the driver turned up
with the car. Everyone breathed a sigh of relief until they realized Biola was
not in the car. When the driver was quizzed, he silently handed over a note to
Biola’s father. It read:
‘Dear Daddy, I am sorry to disappoint you. I will
not be getting married today…or any day for that matter. You know my reasons
and quite frankly, I cannot go into it again. Marriage sucks and I don’t intend
to join all the women who are married because, let’s face it; many married
women are depressed and unhappy and miserable. There is more to life than that
and I choose more! I got the driver to drop me off at the airport and I’m
heading to London now. I will live as I want and not as society dictates. I
love you and I pray you forgive me someday. Explain to mum for me. I’m sorry.’
And like
a true Nigerian movie, Aunty Folake fainted!
Well done girl. I always enjoy ur stories
ReplyDeleteThank you Kudirat!
ReplyDeletehmmmm. nice, hope its not cooked up stories.
ReplyDeletecooked up? No
DeleteWow! Is this "truly true"?
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed every piece of the write up and hope we take our lessons from the story.
Thank you for reading. I'm so grateful!
DeleteThat's hilarious. What a bold and honest decision
ReplyDeleteLOL! Thanks
DeleteNice one
DeleteThank you dear!
Delete