I Was Attacked...And I Refused To Be Broken!

I got attacked!

This is a true story...and it happened to me.

I live in a ghetto; a smelly, overpopulated area with mostly uneducated and unemployed young people. If you are wondering why I stay there, all I can say, it is not a matter of principle.

On August 23, 2015, I went to church in the morning, hung out with some members of my department and our Head of Department's family, went out to eat, went to the office, did my show, waited for the bus and then headed home. As I headed home, I reflected on what a wonderful day it had been.

I noticed that the clouds were cooking up a storm. As my friend would say, 'It was about to rain domestic pets'.

When we got close to my junction, the driver asked me if I wanted to drop at the first one or the second one. I felt the first one would be better since the rain was about to pour. My friend asked if I was going to be okay. I said yes and alighted. The winds flirted with my dress and I bent down to pull it lower. I started walking home.

Most people were running. I was in heels so I wasn't going to run anywhere. It was dark and windy and I really didn't want to fall flat on my face. So even though it had started drizzling, I kept walking. Soon, I was the only one on my street...or so I thought.

I am very perceptive. I was three houses from my house when I felt a sense of impending danger. Even though I could not hear foot falls, I knew there was someone behind me. When I feel something like that, I usually slow down because I read that speeding up in such scenario is a demonstration of fear...and like animals, humans can smell fear. I looked back just in time to see my attacker bring his hand around my face. I moved away just as he caught my breast.

Somehow, I did not feel any fear. Instead, I was consumed with anger. In fact, anger doesn't describe what I was feeling. It was more like burning rage! It clouded every other reasonable emotion and I used my bag to hit the guy while still managing to swing a blow. He was caught off guard and he took a couple of steps back. Seeming to have been renewed, he came forward again and this time, I threw my bag, one of my phones, shoes and other things I was carrying to the ground. I pulled my dress up and spread my legs. I became a totally different person. I asked him to come and fight. He seemed afraid. I kept shouting that he should come. He kept going back and forth but not daring to come any closer. I had become a banshee and in retrospect, I wouldn't have recognized me. I started calling my friends and he asked if I was calling anybody. I kept saying he should come in the crazy manner with which I started. The calls weren't connecting so I knew I was on my own. I prepared to defend myself.

Seeing that he wasn't approaching, I hissed and started packing my things. That was when I saw the second attacker. This time, I knew I had to run! I could not possibly fight two people!

I turned and started running but my turn was a bad one so I slipped and fell. Then, for the first time that night, I felt fear; real fear! I imagined what would happen if I remained there and with the active imagination I have, it was enough to spur me up.  Strength that could only have come from GOD came upon me and I got up and ran! I left all my things there; my safety my first point of concern. As I ran, I kept shouting at the top of my lungs 'Neighbors! Neighbors!'. It wasn't until I got to my house that I realized no one came out.

As soon as I got to my compound, I started banging doors, telling them to come out. Only one man did as I ran back to the streets. He didn't even bother to follow me. I went back to the spot where I fell and started gathering my stuff. I was pumped on adrenaline and I really just kept going. That was when the third attacker – who was much bigger than the first two – came out. I waited until I was done then started running again. The attacker followed me all the way to the front of the house and turned back when he saw people at the gate.

I bust past my neighbors and ran into my house. I went straight to the kitchen and took my knife. The rage had returned and all I could see was red. When I charged out again, the first neighbor to respond had locked the gate. I was livid! I went into a rant, wanting to get out there, the rage fueling my movement. I had such murderous rage! I wanted to face my attackers and just bury the knife in them! My female neighbors came out and asked me to stay inside. After a few seconds, I went back into my house. That was when I started really thinking.

The attack started at about 9:05pm and by the time I got back to my phone, it was about 9:15pm. In less than 10 minutes, I had been attacked by three men; an attack which could have been much worse if GOD had not given me strength to fight back and run.

I learned some things from the attack.

A) In the face of trouble, GOD gave me bravery I would never have had on my own.
B) Your life can change in the shortest possible time, shattering your cocoon of safety and grand delusions of protection.
C) I was three houses away from my house, in a heavily populated residential area, and yet, no one came out to help. You might think that they did not hear me but you would be wrong. My talking pitch is naturally loud, so imagine what my shouting pitch is like! I was told that next time, I should shout 'Thief!' as I would be more likely to get a response (like there would be a 'next time'). So my conclusion is that the cry of a woman, who was, after all out late, is nothing to my neighbors. But if the threat was to their family and property, they would have sprung out brandishing their jungle justice mentality!

I cannot shake off the feeling that this is because our society actually practices rape culture. If a man is out late, nobody attacks him but if a woman is, then she must be looking for someone to attack her, right? Girls are taught to keep quiet when they are attacked so that they are not brought to shame. Well, I will not keep bloody quiet! I will not feel shame or guilt for being the victim. I will not let a bastard who has been taught that women are nothing break my spirit! Fuck that!

The last time something similar happened to me, I was in Zaria and I had gone out for my early morning jog. After the attack, I blamed myself. I asked why I had gone out that morning, why I had not waited to be accompanied by a man, why I needed to exercise in the first place.  I imagined that scene played out over and over again in my head; all the things I could have done differently, and how I could have prevented the affront to my body, my spirit, my mind. I stopped jogging completely because I kept playing that scene in my head, kept looking over my shoulder when it was dark and worse, kept raising my hands to protect my breast when a man came close to me. Well, again…fuck that! I will not live in fear anymore! I will not feel shame that should be felt by the perpetrator! I will not sink into a hole because some dumb fool thinks he has the right to do any bloody thing and get away with it!

Men should be taught to respect women as much as women are forced to accept the blame for everything that happens to us. Men should be told that no one has the right to rub on any woman because she is not in an after-dress or traditional clothing! Men should be taught to respect a woman's consent instead of trying to rape it out of them! The stupid view that women are second class citizens needs to be wiped out from our community! Bloody bastards who abuse women should be castrated with blunt, corroded and infested knives and left without medicare or pain relievers. The police, doctors and law authorities should investigate properly instead of asking idiotic questions like, 'Why were you out late?', 'Why did you dress like that?', 'Don't you know good girls are supposed to be at home before dark?', 'So you are unmarried and leaving alone? Are you a prostitute?' Like WHAT THE BLOODY HELL?!

I am speaking for all the women who have been attacked by that stranger in a dark alley or that not-so-strange man who defiled you; that brother/friend/boss/pastor/in-law etc who took liberties or forced his unbridled lust on you. I speak for all the sisters who have been blamed for being attacked or raped when all they did was go about their business. I speak for every woman who has kept quiet out of shame, guilt and sadness for something that you should not be guilty of. I say, end the bloody rape culture today! End the culture that protects a bloody rapist/attacker/abuser and lets him walk while forcing the woman to suffer.

Lend your voice to this! It was me on Sunday. It may be your mum, sister, wife, daughter, niece, aunt, lover, colleague etc tomorrow. Let us break this jinx now!

And to my attacker, to those faceless bastards who thought to hurt me, hear this: I don't know how long you planned the attack or why you chose me. I don't know whether you were sane or drunk or high. I don't know just how far you planned to go if I had not fought back or run away. I don't know if my fear aroused you or if you are just perverted but be rest assured, the next time you plan to attack me, I will be ready! I will fight you with all I have and I swear, I will pull a knife out so smoothly that you would be taken by surprise. Your surprise will change to a very grotesque mask when I sink my knife into your penis. Trust me, I will not relent when I twist and turn that knife and when I am done, I will walk away, knowing that I have rid the world of one animal, one beast and one vermin who deserves no better death.  I will go to bed that night and sleep peacefully, not feeling any guilt for my actions.

I am Ochekliye Ramatu Ada and you did not break my spirit!