Drivers of Misogyny

Beyonce and Serena when they were pregnant.

It saddens me to take this stand today, but it has become necessary.

Let me say this plainly: in many cases, women are the enforcers of patriarchy and the obstacles to other women’s progress.

I have long been aware that women do not always support one another. Still, I would become upset whenever someone voiced that truth out loud. Those comments often felt reductive—used to portray women as petty, jealous, or emotionally unstable. I believed that such rhetoric existed to undermine our capacity to lead and to suggest that we are incapable of functioning outside our emotions. More than anything, I wanted to believe that the men who said such things were wrong—just as wrong as they have always been about our abilities, our equality, and our worth.

However, recent weeks have forced me to reassess. I had to step out of the idealistic bubble I had built for myself and confront a hard truth: women, too, breathe life into misogyny. Yes, the men and their double standards are a problem, but sometimes, women make it feel as though they are the bigger problem.

Here is why that is so painful.

Women are often the first to tear other women down. Say “men and women are equal,” and frequently it is a woman who will argue that we are not. An unmarried woman reaches the height of her career, and women entrenched in patriarchal beliefs are the first to dismiss her accomplishments because she does not have a husband. Some of us choose to keep our maiden names after marriage—and our loudest critics are often women.

Women leave abusive marriages with evidence of their trauma, only to be asked by other women, “What did you do to deserve it?” A woman speaks up about sexual assault, and other women ask what she was wearing. She says she was raped, and women ask, “Why did you go to his house?” She declares her intention to run for office and is called a prostitute—again, by other women.

In many communities, it is women who endured the horror of Female Genital Mutilation who enforce it on younger girls. How does that make any sense?

Yes, men do these things too. But we hope that as women become more conscious of our rights, men will lose their grip on such narratives. So, how do we address the women who help these men uphold the walls of patriarchy? And how do they not see the irony?

Let me share a few examples that left me frustrated and heartbroken.

When Beyoncé announced her pregnancy and described it as a miracle, the backlash came fast. Many people, including Naomi Schaefer Riley of The New York Post, mocked her for it.

Now, I am a Beyoncé fan—granted—but is it not strange that society regularly refers to childbirth as a miracle, yet suddenly it ceases to be one when she experiences it? I could almost understand the men criticizing her—almost. But what I could not grasp were the women so eager to discredit her joy. I have never considered pregnancy an “achievement,” but I have learned to respect women who do. Growth means allowing others to celebrate what is meaningful to them.

Then there was Serena Williams. She was pregnant when she won her 23rd Grand Slam in Australia—a triumph that radiated strength and resilience. The celebration was inspiring… until the trolls emerged. One tweet in particular, from a woman, infuriated me. She implied that Serena’s feat was unimpressive because other women around the world perform physical labor while pregnant. But why the need to belittle Serena’s accomplishment? Why not honor all forms of strength without diminishing one?

If we follow that logic, then nothing should be celebrated—ever. Because no matter what someone achieves, someone else will have faced a harder path to reach the same outcome. But this “crabs in a barrel” mentality is exactly what holds women back.

Remaining silent about women’s roles in perpetuating misogyny only helps it grow. We must start calling it out. Staying quiet just to avoid giving men the satisfaction of saying, “I told you so,” is not an option. Believe me, I have heard them. And now, I have seen it too. It is painful. But patriarchy and misogyny are far worse.

At Shades of Us, we love to imagine a world where women come together—not to compete, but to uplift one another. Imagine how much earlier we could have secured the right to vote, to run for office, to own property. We might not still be grappling with unequal pay, Female Genital Mutilation, Vesico-Vaginal Fistula, child marriage, maternal mortality, or rape culture.

Imagine what we could achieve if we. simply. supported. one. another.

But no. Misogyny is what has always been, and how dare any woman believe she can change that?

Well—we can. And we will. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow. But change is coming.

To the women who demean other women: you must move past yourselves. Progress is happening—with or without your support.