Men as Partners: Co-Creating Equality and Ending Gender-Based Violence

From Bystander to Advocate: A Panel Session at the 2025 Men's Summit hosted by YouthHub Africa

By Ramatu Ada Ochekliye

Violence against women and girls is so common around the world that calling for an end to it is often seen as the exception, not the norm. 

For years, women have led the charge, raising their voices and demanding change. So, when we heard about a Men’s Summit to End Gender-Based Violence, we were encouraged to see more people (especially men) stepping up and shouldering the responsibility, too.

On September 9, 2025, Shades of Us joined advocates, policymakers, civil society leaders, and other citizens at the Men’s Summit in Abuja, an event hosted by YouthHub Africa, with support from Ford Foundation. The theme, “Men as Partners: Co-Creating Equality and Ending Gender-Based Violence (GBV)”, resonated with us. For too long, the conversation around GBV has been framed as a “women’s issue.” But the truth is far from this. Men must be central to ending GBV because they are too often the perpetrators, which consequently means that if they are allies for prevention, healing, and justice, we can see an end to this in our lifetime.

The Summit was filled with candid conversations, some of which came off as promoting the problem, but it was necessary to see the base for which true change can occur. And as we sat through each segment, we understood that these types of multi-stakeholder engagement across Nigeria can cause ripple effects of adaptive social behavior and contribute to building a society free from violence.

Tea Conversation with Dr. Uwemedimo Esiet

The Summit opened with a warm tea conversation featuring Dr. Uwemedimo Esiet, a Public Health Physician, Social Development Practitioner, and co-founder of Action Health Incorporated. It was moderated by Mr. Rotimi Olawale. Dr. Esiet invited us to think about masculinity differently: not as a rigid, oppressive system, but as a space for care, empathy, and partnership.

He shared personal insights emphasizing the power of starting from a place of dialogue rather than defensiveness. If men are to be true partners in ending GBV, they must first be willing to sit down, listen, and reflect.

Stories of Accountability: Male-Led Action Against GBV

Before the panels began, we watched a video featuring real stories of accountability and male-led action against GBV.

It emphasized that while statistics and policies matter, it is stories—human, personal, vulnerable—that truly shift perspectives. Seeing men lead in this way affirmed that the narrative is shifting, however slowly, toward shared responsibility.

Hon. Dr. Dayo Benjamin Laniyi (Mandate Secretary at the Ministry for Women Affairs) built on the narrative of the video, highlighting that “men must use their influence to drive change for all”. She reflected on her Box Out GBV Campaign that trained over a thousand boys and girls during the 2024 16 Days of Activism. Her intervention made a point: the need for scale, as one-off events are not enough, and systemic programming is really what matters.

Panel Session 1: Bridging the Gap – Where Can Men Make a Difference?

The first panel was moderated by Dr. Zubairu Attah, and it set the tone for the day: if men do not actively join the fight against GBV, nothing will change.

• Dr. ChiChi Aniagolu-Okoye, Regional Director for West Africa at the Ford Foundation, gave what may have been the most piercing reality check of the day: “Ending GBV is not something you do to women. It is something men do for themselves, too. Violence replicates itself.” Her words struck us deeply because they reframed GBV not just as a “women’s safety issue,” but as a national stability issue. There was a correlation between allowing violence against women, girls, and other underserved members of society and terrorism. History has shown that when violent men conquer everyone deemed less than they are, they often turn on themselves, too. She challenged men to focus on prevention rather than response, a call we have consistently spotlighted in our own campaigns.
  
  

• Mr. Temitope Fashola, Country Director of Christian Aid, and Mr. Sola Fagorusi, Executive Director of OneLife Initiative, pushed the discussion into practical spaces: financial inclusion, adapting to generational change, and using technology to co-create equality. This was a reminder that economic empowerment is inseparable from GBV prevention. If women are financially excluded, they remain vulnerable. And this ripples out to men because they then have to bear the – often back-breaking – burden of carrying the entire financial load. Talk about a system that shackles itself.
  
  

• Mr. Adewusi Damilare of the Lagos State Domestic and Sexual Violence Agency (DSVA) stressed the importance of reporting mechanisms and speaking up. His plea—“Don’t die in silence”—was clear, because women and girls often die in abuse. And guess what? So do men!. Our work must always include amplifying helplines, resources, and community-based reporting systems so that survivors are never alone.

GBV cannot be ended by rhetoric alone. Men’s voices, actions, and resources are crucial.

Panel Session 2: Intergenerational Dialogue – Transforming Masculinity

This was moderated by Mr. Akinwunmi Akinola, and it was a raw, honest call to the men in the room. 

• Dr. Otive Igbuzor, Founder of the Centre LSD, shared that masculinity itself is not static. “Men should not fear equality with women,” he said, pointing out that patriarchy burdens men with expectations they often cannot fulfill. This buttressed the point that many young men feel trapped in identities that force them into violence or silence. The patriarchy and misogyny, driving forces of GBV across the world, thus benefit men only to an extent. It quickly becomes a two-edged sword and heavy-duty chain piercing the hearts of men and keeping them rooted to the spot, so they are unable to save themselves.
  
  

• Mr. Sopuruchi Obiagbaoso, a member of the Young Men’s Network (YMN) from Kano State, shared his deeply personal testimony: “I learned from the dysfunction of my family and made it my life’s goal to never hit my wife.” This vulnerability was powerful. It showed that breaking cycles of violence is possible when men commit to unlearning harmful patterns.
  
  

• Engr. Adeolu Odusote, managing Director/CEO of Pearls Group, a conglomerate operating in engineering, environment, ICT, and management, urged men to face denial: “Family is the starting point. Men need to know that the reference points for their kids start at home.” Culture is passed on in living rooms as much as in policies.

Panel Session 3: From Bystander to Advocate

Moderated by Ms. Morenikeji Olonilua, the third panel asked a difficult question: What role do men play when they see violence but choose silence?

• Dr. Osasuyi Dirisu, Executive Director of the Policy and Innovation Centre (PIC), warned: “A person who beats his wife may slap your wife.” Her words made the cost of silence tangible. It reminded us that bystander apathy protects abusers and endangers everyone. “A lot of time, we get carried away with the high-level stuff when it comes to GBV. Some of the changes we want to see need to start in the family. Policy is important. But the smallest unit is where change can be scaled and replicated.”
  
  

• Ms. Chioma Agwuegbo, Executive Director of TechHer, reframed technology: “It is people who do things. Technology are just platforms that reflect what people do.” She highlighted the rise of online GBV and linked it to poverty and the absence of consequences. Her intervention was important to us because it connected our digital advocacy to structural realities—we cannot just “tweet against GBV”; we must tackle root causes like poverty and impunity.
  
  

• Ms. Habiba Ahmed, Senior Program Officer at Women's Rights Advancement and Protection Alternative (WRAPA), outlined the signs of being a bystander and shared examples of working with faith and traditional leaders across Nigeria. This reinforced to us that cultural entry points are critical. You cannot end GBV without working within the belief systems that shape communities.
  
  

• Hon. Dr. Dayo Benjamin Laniyi closed the panel with urgency: “Positive masculinity is not teaching a man how to treat a woman but how to be a man.” This reframing was profound for us. It reminded us that the fight is not about instructing men on kindness but redefining masculinity itself.

Launch of the Ambassador Program

One of the most exciting moments was the launch of the Men’s Summit Ambassador Program, moderated by Medupin Olusegun, the Program Manager at YouthHub Africa. This program promises to train and position men as visible champions in their communities. This matters because systemic change needs ambassadors, people who can translate policy into practice at grassroots levels.

Performances and Media Moments

We were treated to a moving spoken word performance by Ms. Kathryn Clement, a stirring song by Mr. Chris Ade, and an eye-opening VR experience on Female Genital Mutilation (FGM). These artistic and tech-driven interventions reminded us that advocacy must be creative to resonate.

Closing Tea Conversation: Shifting Perceptions

The Summit ended with a final tea conversation led by Professor Adesegun Fatusi, moderated once again by Mr. Rotimi Olawale. He reminded us that attitudes toward women are shaped by multiple factors—family, society, religion, tradition, and economy. “If families get it right, we can end GBV,” he said.

Our work must be holistic, weaving together policy advocacy, cultural engagement, economic empowerment, and storytelling. Only then can perceptions shift and true equality be born.

Final Reflections

We carried with us both hope and responsibility as we left the summit. Hope, because men across Nigeria are rising to confront GBV with courage and honesty. Responsibility, because we at Shades of Us must continue to amplify these voices, challenge harmful narratives, and co-create equality in every space we occupy.

The Men’s Summit was a call to action to move from bystanders to advocates, from silence to solidarity, from fragile promises to sustained action. And for us, it reaffirmed one truth: ending GBV is not a women’s fight alone. It is a collective mission, and men must lead alongside women if we are to build a Nigeria rooted in dignity, equality, and peace.