Busy Lagos Market. Image: Financial Times |
I moved to Lagos in
January, 2016, to take a certificate course in Film Directing at Royal Arts
Academy. This was a big move for me because I had never lived anywhere but the
Northern part of the country and I didn’t know if I was going to be able to
acclimatize to the culture shock of the new town. Plus, I had heard so many
things about Lagos that convinced me that Éko is not for me. Long story short,
the stories are true!
My first two weeks in Lagos
were uneventful as I spent most of my time at my friend’s house. I would go
days without seeing the sun and I was quite content with that life.
When it was time to finally
start school, I knew that my life was about to change. I was tossed into the
typical Lagos drama and four months down the road, I think that living in Lagos
is toxic!
Here is why I have come to
this conclusion;
1. LAGOS
IS OVER POPULATED!
I cannot count how many
times I had panic attacks being surrounded by so many people! Like, where the hell were these people coming
from?! The worse experience for me was when I went to Balogun Market and was
almost swamped! While my chest was heaving in pains, my darling friend – Shade
Opeyemi – told me that the market was basically empty at that time and that if
I had gone there a little earlier, I wouldn’t have been able to move. Well,
thank God yeah? Ain’t nobody got time
for that!
2. TRAFFIC
IS HELL!
As a result of the overpopulation
mentioned above, you can imagine the number of vehicles on the road at any
given time.
School was at Surulere and
I lived at Mangoro. I had to go to Ikeja every morning to catch a bus to
Ojuelegba. The traffic from Mangoro Junction to Ikeja can get pretty crazy;
depending on when you leave the house. The traffic from Palm Groove to
Ojuelegba was also another issue! On a good day, it would take me about an hour
to get to school. On a bad day, which was about half the time, I would be on
the road for 3 hours!
The return home was not
much different. Bus drivers would pass through Mushin and then Ikeja Along
towards Iyana Ipaja. The traffic around Mushin can be hell and worse around
Ikeja Along.
As a result, I usually
leave the house around 7am for my 9am class and would usually get home around
8pm if I leave school at exactly closing time; 4pm.
This made me so tired when
I finally got home that I was too tired to be productive!
3. TRANSPORT
FARE IS JUST WICKED!
Until I came to Lagos, I
had never paid more than ₦100 bus fare for
one trip within the town. Here, I pay ₦200 bus fare from Ikeja to Ojuelegba and ₦150 okada fare from Ojuelegba to Ajao road,
Surulere. I pay ₦250 from Ojuelegba
to Mangoro when returning home. When there is fuel, that is the standard price.
Since the fuel crisis began, I have been paying ₦300 from Ikeja to Ojuelegba and trust me, it burns!
The cheapest fare is ₦50 and it is for shortest distance possible.
Before coming to Lagos, the
highest I had paid for bus transport was ₦300 for a Kaduna to Samaru, Zaria trip and anybody who knows that
trip knows that Samaru is quite some distance away. So imagine what it means to
pay similar fees for a much shorter distance!
4. EVERYONE
IS ONE WORD AWAY FROM A BLOWOUT!
Bus drivers or conductors
are always ready to fight. Agberos
too! Passengers would fight each other or fight conductors at the slightest
provocation. Conductors will fight agberos over how much money they should pay
to the local government. The conductors will even fight passengers who don’t
hop off the bus quickly.
One night, I got to a bus
and sat sideways. The driver started shouting, ‘If you know say you no
wan go, drop for my bus.’ I tried to explain to him that I was not going
all the way to Iyana Ipaja so I needed to sit closer to him to let him know
where I would alight. He continued shouting until I came down from the bus. I
stood by the door so it would fill up and I could take the last seat. Next
thing I know, I was surrounded by agberos telling me to either move away or
enter the bus. I was scared for my life so I just entered the bus to avoid
stories that touch.
I kept asking what it was I
did wrong until someone in the bus told me not to take it to heart; that they
were high. I will tell you more about this experience a little later in the
post.
5. THE
STREETS STINK!
Now Lagosians, this is not
an insult. Every town has its smell depending on how open it is, the number of
people in it, the activities of its inhabitants and how many vehicles are
there.
Lagos is a variation of
smells! And most times, not so pleasant. This could be a result of the class of
each area, the open gutters or moving LAWMA trucks. Ajegunle had a smell that
gagged me when I crossed the pond leading to Apapa. When I visited Snake Island
(Itu-Agan), the entire water way stank! It didn’t come as a surprise to
perceive the smell because I could see waste been flushed into the water and at
the Apapa port where we took boats, people could be seen peeing and pooing in
the water. Yeah….ewwww!
The only places that didn’t
have that sharp, nauseating smell were mostly on the Island, parts of Ikeja and
Surulere.
6. MOST
PEOPLE WANT TO CHEAT YOU!
My friend took me to do my
hair under the Ikeja Bridge. I wanted to plait the ‘kinky’ hairdo. As soon as
we dropped from the car, we were swamped by women asking if we wanted to plait
our hair. My friend chose one lady, did the haggling and we prepared to do my hair.
She told us she would get the attachment for us, telling me it was ₦900 for each one. I gave her ₦2000 because I wanted two. She went away for
close to 45 minutes and returned, lamenting that she had to trek very far to
get the attachment. She swore by God that they cost ₦1000 each. I believed her. The next time I went
to do my hair, I had a similar experience; albeit with another woman.
One day, my friend came
home looking angry. She told me that the attachment were ₦700 each! I was shocked! So in addition to the
exorbitant bills I was charged for the plaiting, the women still had the guts
to cheat me?! I went there a third time but to a different person. Before going
to the shop, I looked around for where to buy my own attachment. Turns out the
hair shops were just adjacent the salons I had visited. You can imagine the
stink look I gave the women who had braided my hair the first two times. That
was when I swore to never do my hair under that Ikeja Bridge again!
In another instance, I went
from Ikeja under the bridge to Shoprite and paid ₦100; as everyone else did. When I was returning to Ikeja under
bridge, I gave the conductor ₦200 for Shade and
myself. The guy kept quiet until Shade shouted that the fare was ₦50. The guy returned my ₦100 nonchalantly like he wasn’t just wrong. I
just shook my head and sighed.
7. THE
PICKPOCKETS ARE LIT!
I was hanging out with a
friend, her fiancé and her brother when I received a call. When I was done, I
remember distinctly keeping my phone in the side pocket of my bag. Next thing,
I started looking for my phone. We searched for this phone and even got the
waiters to help us search. The phone was gone. All this happened while we sat
at a table waiting for our order of fresh fish pepper soup.
We called my number and had
our hopes up when the phone was picked and the person asked us to come get it.
That was the last time the person picked the call.
Till today, I don’t know
how that phone was taken. I cannot explain it at all!
8. THE BEGGARS
ARE….ARE THEY EVEN BEGGARS?
I was in a bus when this
clean guy came and spoke in English, asking that we help him with transport as
someone had just stolen his wallet. My heart tugged and I took out money and
gave him. Some of the other passengers gave me this queer look but I kept my
I-don’t-care-what-you-think mug up. I felt satisfied that I had helped someone
who was in a dire circumstance. Well... I was satisfied until the next day when
I saw same guy at the same park with the same line. I was shocked! Dude scammed
me!
If you see him at the
Ojuelegba Park, don’t be fooled; DUDE IS A CRIMINAL!
You see people like that
almost everywhere; Costain, Ikeja, Agege, Maryland or any major bus park. Some
are well dressed, some not so much. The common thing between them is that they
have a well-rehearsed sob story, a pity-inspiring demeanor and the easy use of
the ‘Aunty, help me’ line. Ha!
9. LANDLORDS
AND HOUSE AGENTS ARE CRIMINALS!
Not only is rent very expensive, the other charges are
just wicked! A friend paid for a house in Ikeja worth ₦380,000. When she was done paying service
charges, she had spent ₦600,000. In the
North, I know that agent fees are 10% of the rent and in some cases, you can
get away with less than that but in Lagos, to get house na wire!
I know that there are
cheaper house around Ketu and Ikorodu but if you work in town, you will be
spending the exact same amount of money on transport.
***
These are examples of some
what I have personally had to deal with and this is what it is doing to me;
a. I am almost always tired from
dealing with all the traffic stress;
b. I have tried to maintain my calm
and not fight anybody but I am gradually losing that ability. Back to my story
about the driver who wanted me off his bus. When we set off, he kept mumbling
until we got to my stop. I told him I wanted to get off the bus. He didn’t
answer. I said it again. Same response. I told him the third time. He started
shouting, ‘this no be your bedroom oh! Open your mouth talk!’ I lost any
decorum left and shouted right back at him. When he saw that I could be as mad
as he was, he quietly parked his bus and I alighted. The general rule here is
that being a quiet person means you are a fool and trust me, I cannot be
no fool to these crazy people and I definitely don’t want to become
the stereotypical angry black woman to get by every day;
c. I am gradually losing my
sensitivity and empathy. When a beggar walks towards me, I don’t even wait
anymore to hear whatever it is the person is saying. The other day, I saw a
fatal accident where the victim was torn apart. I was shocked that I didn’t
throw up or feel giddy. There seem to be one accident or the other happening in
this town. And when I see people fighting or arguing, I just ‘face my front’
and continue what I am doing. In Lagos, just respect yourself and mind your own business;
d. I have never been more depressed. People
with less passion (it seems) are making more money and I keep wondering how I
can foot my basic needs talk more of wants. I met some people who reminded me
that I can be rich if I just forget my principles and believe me, nothing is
more depressing than putting in lots of work and not getting the reward you
know you deserve.
But in spite of all the
problems one can associate with living in Lagos, it is one of the best towns to
live in Nigeria. There are as many opportunities as there are problems and it
might be back breaking work but the chances of really making money or fame or
whatever it is you are looking for is greatly improved. You have to realize
however that you will deal with a lot to achieve what you want.
Is Lagos a town I want to
live in for a long duration of time? I will wait and see.
Beautiful write up and it captures Lagos for what exactly it is. It's a place you love and hate at the same time. As for me, there is no other place I can call home.
ReplyDeleteYou know this! Thank you for reading! Oh! And by the way, welcome to my blog!
DeleteI could'nt have said it any better... Similar experience with what I went through during my first few visits to Lagos. Even at that, I still miss Lagos.. Its a place where you can get anything and anything is possible
DeleteI could'nt have said it any better... Similar experience with what I went through during my first few visits to Lagos. Even at that, I still miss Lagos.. Its a place where you can get anything and anything is possible
DeleteThank you dearie! I am grateful that you take time out to read my work! You are awesome!
DeleteLmao
ReplyDelete