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Image: Kiwa
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There is
this woman in the neighborhood I currently reside in. She has a shop where she
sells provisions, food items and…wait for it…even fuel! Her shop is right at
the corner and every time I have passed her shop on my way back from anywhere,
there always seems to be a myriad of people she is attending to. Let me put
this out there…I like her hustle.
She is a
mother of four kids, with a bulging belly that announces a fifth. A first born
son, a second daughter and twin girls make up her brood. Her son should be
maybe six while the twins are just learning to walk so I will peg them at less
than a year.
This is
what I don’t like.
Every
single time I have had reason to pass by her shop or buy something from her, I
have taken note of something off with the way she handles her children. First
with the twins. They are always so dirty-looking. Their hair – what little they
have – is almost always covered with mud. Their clothes are a study in filth
and because you can bet they are never wearing diapers, their panties are
always an eyesore. What completely freaks me out is that I have never seen either of the girls with both
pair of shoes. One twin is always with the right pair and the other with the
left. I cannot imagine the kind of callouses those babies will have, seeing how
bad our road is. And those babies are always
on the road! I can count the number of times I have seen bikes and tricycles
and even cars break quickly to avoid hitting them. When this happens, the
mother just screams for the older brother who gets his sisters out of the way
and gets back to whatever has his attention.
The son
worries me too. He is always playing – which isn’t a bad thing – but his level
of disregard for people is alarming. It isn’t unusual for him to shove people
aside (without as much as an apology) when he wants to get into the shop. And
when he gets into his play time, he forgets he has baby sisters. Yes, he is a
baby himself but you can see he doesn’t seem to care about the twins. He can
watch them play with fecal matter or walk towards the road where a vehicle is
approaching and would only do something when his mother, or a neighbor, shouts
in alarm.
The
person I worry most about is the second child who takes off for hours and
returns when she feels like. I know this because I have seen her mother beat her
couple of times for going somewhere and only returning at night. She reprimands
her and the very next day, the child is out again. This is scary because of the
number of sick individuals we have out there. Someone who knows the girl can go
out and return when she likes may set an ambush for her; an ambush that may be
lead to her kidnap or sexual abuse.
What does
the mother do in all these? Apart from the occasional shout, she seems to just
let her children be. There are times when the babies are crying and she looks
away. I must say I believe she cares for her children; she gets them food
and changes the babies clothes when it is super dirty. But she
is overwhelmed. Managing one kid is a lot of work, managing four hyperactive
kids with one on the way can be too much. In the three months since I have been
in this neighborhood, I haven’t seen a father figure who should be
helping out with the kids. Apart from members of the community helping out here
and there, she is basically doing all she can on her own.
Here is
what I feel. Parents should be able to care for their children or provide the
means to have them cared for. Those children are at great risks because their
mother is overwhelmed. Though the road is bad, it does not stop a reckless
driver from going fast if (s)he chooses. Also, any number of things can make a
vehicle skid out of control. What happens if these kids are waddling across the
road when something horribly bad happens? And these are babies! They shouldn’t
have to live in filth when there are a myriad of diseases they can contract
from the harmful microorganisms that abound in dirt? And though I mentioned the
possibility of sexual assault for the second child, the truth is, all the
children are at risk.
While I
advocate for minding your business, there are cases where we just shouldn’t.
Here is my dilemma. How do I convey this worry to the mother without coming off
as a ‘busybody’, ‘akproko’ or ‘gossip’? How can we get parents to space their
birth so they are better able to deal with raising each of their children
properly? Would it be fair to report to social services, knowing that the woman
cares for her children but is overwhelmed?
This has
been plaguing me for weeks now and I would really like advice. What can a
sister do?
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